Clarity is a funny thing. You can go through life doing things blindly without understanding why, or even realize that you are, until…wham. One day you’re confronted with proof positive that other people think the same way you do on certain matters.
It’s kind of an amazing thing.
Recently, I’ve read two books that have done that. These two confirmed to me that I was on the right path on matters I’ve felt compelled to invest myself in without really knowing why, or even realizing there was a subconscious method to my madness. Goodbye, Things and The 4 Hour Work Week are not necessarily groundbreaking reads…unless, that is, that these happen to cover issues that pluck a chord.
- Goodbye, Things: The New Japanese Minimalism was actually a quick and easy listen via Audible. It was really helpful in clarifying some of the ideas and philosophies behind minimalism that had already made it appealing to me and reaffirmed my interest in maintaining as few belongings as possible. One particularly memorable passage discussed the link between excess belongings and anxiety. The author, Fumio Sasaki, absolutely nailed the scene that would play out nearly every single day back in Alaska—waking up in the morning and feeling so overwhelmed by your to-do list, largely revolving around the various and sundry maintenance of “stuff”, that it became incapacitating and the day would be wasted under the weight of indecision. This happened to some degree every single day I had off. All of the days, in other words, that didn’t command a specific starting point to the day’s activities.
- The 4-Hour Work Week has a long-established cult following and more or less is the authority, and perhaps the inventor of, ::dun, dun, dun:: lifestyle design. First published in 2007, Tim Ferriss uses the book to outline a lifestyle I’ve been kind-of sort-of striving to achieve without his guidance for quite some time. Most of the information in the book is nothing new to me, but I enjoy the anecdotes and the organization of the information. It, too, is reaffirming in that it assures me I’m not the only one who thinks it’s ridiculous to willingly work harder rather than smarter. Clearly I haven’t mastered any of his crazy money generation methods, but being confronted with the potential of a lifestyle I’m already largely living is…motivating. And confusing. It makes me question whether or not it’s actually something I want and whether or not I want it for the right reasons. (The answer to the former being boredom and the latter being no.) At any rate, his weekly e-mail, Five Bullet Friday, was also part of what inspired me to work on this—my bastardized version of bullet journaling. (It also reminded me that I used to do very similar things on Pulp Faction and it was awesome then, so why not.)
In Other Bullets:
- Pesos Spent: $220 for mineral water and cheesy beefy quesadillas. $18 for bus fare. $238 total for dinner on the beach while Porkchop played. ($12.75 USD)
- TV watched: Zero! I watched enough yesterday for the entire damn week.
- Books Read: Also zero, but I’m putting together my Epic Mexico Summer Reading List, so stay tuned.
- Homework Done: Not enough. Deadlines Sunday and Monday.
- Spanish Studied: Argued with the bus driver about letting the dog on, and spoke only Spanish to my waiter. (It’s the small things.)
- Pitches Sent: Officially, one. Several contacts were made for collaborations, and I researched several outlets for my work. Also made arrangements to write a band bio and press release for a very interesting up-and-coming Memphis act.
- Beverages Consumed: Alcohol, zero; Caffeinated, lost count; Water, only about 60 ounces. (Sad.)
- Weather: Chilly with a chance of rain? IE; 76 degrees, 6 mph winds, 85% humidity, overcast with the tails of Tropical Storm Beatriz churning our way across southern Mexico, but apparently little to no chance of getting rain from it.
- Shared: The National Institutes of Health reveals a study that links autism to an increased incidence in heavy metals in baby teeth. The study covered a small sample size, but is particularly interesting because it utilized twins who would (presumably) have the same nutrition en utero at the stage in which some of the significant differences in heavy metal levels between autistic and non-autistic children were noted.
- Shared: An 18-year old from Oaxaca was crowned men’s world champion surfer in France yesterday.
- Shared: KFC reveals a pizza utilizing flattened fried chicken as a “crust”. Earlier I asserted that I was fine with this. That was before dinner. It is a natural next step from the “double down” thing of whatever that was in which they used two pieces of fried chicken breast in place of bread in a sandwich, but this is a food evolution that is just…not ok.
I started my sober month with a hangover because…well, of course I did.
Nothing coffee and chicken tacos couldn’t take care of, but I have to admit—there wasn’t a whole lot of adulting going on today. I mean, I binge watched the entire second season of UnREAL on Hulu.
Aside from that, I guess my big adulting accomplishment involved a lot of self-reflection on my relationship with drinking. I already talked about how I acknowledge the considerable negative impacts alcohol has on my life. Let’s delve a little further into that shit show, shall we?
My last name is Drinkard, in case you didn’t know. A name like that comes with certain expectations, it seems. Realistically, I’ve probably been an alcoholic since I was 18 or so. I definitely was by the third or fourth 21st birthday I had and by the time I got fired from my first job at Princess in Denali because I’d made myself so ill with alcohol that I couldn’t get out of bed to get to work for a week. It’s pretty much always been a central character in my adult life, which is odd because my family is mostly made up of non-drinkers and I wasn’t raised around that at all.
Maybe that’s what attracted me to it, in part. It was a part of an identity of my own, not just a part of my name. It helped me find a voice and an angle as I developed my first blog and came to be known as a party girl. And frankly, I did need it in my own ways—I was shy and alcohol helped me forget that. Sometimes too much so.
As an adult it has become a crutch for all kinds of things. It helped me forget about things that upset me and it helped quiet the constant noise and chatter in my mind. Actually it was the only thing that could put a stop to the hamster wheel of thought that kept me up all night creaking away the hours.
It certainly wasn’t a healthy way to self-medicate, but when I consider the things so many of my friends and aquiantances turned to as their own solutions, I feel lucky that I’m “just” a bit of a drunk. And since I’ve begun to acknowledge the unhealthy relationship I have with alcohol, I’ve been better at controlling its influence over me when it starts to be too much.
The problem is, however, that I suck at moderation. I have an addictive personality and it tends to manifest in all kinds of “all or nothing” sorts of ways, including drinking. So, when I need to get a handle on it and reel myself back in a bit, I’ve got to haul my ass back up onto the wagon for a while because “taking it easy” ain’t gonna happen. Abstinence, however, I can do.
I realized I was past due for this sober month earlier this week when I literally had to take a shot of tequila in order to work up the courage to send a big pitch out. It shouldn’t be like that. I don’t get to talk about being brave and finding your courage when I’m hobbling along propped up by the liquid version. Honestly, I don’t know if I’ve ever done anything “brave” while I was sober. I don’t think I applied to work in Alaska when I was sober. I don’t think I decided to go back to school when I was sober. I don’t think I booked my tickets to move to Mexico when I was sober.
And let’s face it—Mexico isn’t an easy place to be sober. Like Alaska, it seems like alcohol is a particularly large part of life here. Yesterday, for example, I met business contacts and discussed plans over drinks, as I usually do. I don’t think I’ve ever put a toe in the sand at the beach unless a margarita was involved and like a pony with a carrot dangling in front of it, a good beer or cocktail propels me through everything from errands to workouts. It will be interesting to experience these things without this weak reward mechanism and I’m looking forward to seeing if I replace it with something else, or if the activity itself becomes its own reward.
Who knows, maybe I’ll like Mexico when I’m sober. Maybe we’ll go more than a month.
June 1, 2017 Bullets
- I don’t really understand bullet journaling, but I’m going to do it anyway because it’s supposed to have the power to change your damn life. I figure between bullet journaling and maybe an increase in my kale consumption, I should be good to go.
- I had dinner last night up at this crazy weird restaurant called Las Carmelitas. Hands down the most stunning view of all of Puerto Vallarta I can imagine, but I was amused by a review I read today about how a lady felt totally creeped out by the place and many reviews lamented poor service and less than stellar food. I can see it, kind of. They have this beautiful place up a creepy one lane road at the top of a mountain. There was nobody there but a couple of staff and some chickens and goats. The place has this odd unfinished, isolated feel to it, but I personally thought the food was pretty good and I’d totally recommend it to anyone wanting a quiet place with a stunning view. Then again, I like weird shit.
- Today was gloomy. The sky was overcast and the sea was choppy. I put a sweater on a bit ago. It was supposed to get hot in June, but June didn’t get the memo.
- I don’t feel like I started this big month off very strong, but I did send a pitch out, I did practice my Spanish (for like ten minutes,) I talked to my awesome sister, and I got some studying done.
- Also made plans to have my first booze-free beach day with my friend Robina tomorrow and she doesn’t know it, but she’s going to be my first business networking meeting for the month because her shop, La Sirena, is awesome and she’s an inspiration.
- I also made my grocery shopping list. Ten ingredients, 30 days of food. Should be good.
- What I’m thinking about: Two websites have hit my radar this week and I can’t stop turning them over in my head. What could I do with Patreon that would be worthwhile? Also really into Help a Reporter Out (HARO). There’s something to these two and I’m still working it out…but they’re both playing into my bigger picture.
- What I’m watching: UnREAL. It’s such a sleeper. Everyone’s being all classy and cultured and watching the latest House of Cards, and here I am totally unable to get enough of of this trashy network drama about reality TV show production. You should check it out.
- What I’m listening to: “Extremely Bad Man” by Shintaro Sakamoto
Why is it that the best motivator is always being told “you can’t?” It’s been this way for me for as long as I can remember, and while certainly it’s got me in trouble, it has also been the single biggest catalyst for all the most interesting stuff that’s ever happened in my life.
The other day I broke away from the navel gazing on this little ol’ blog of mine and posted up something folks found useful…or at least interesting. At any rate, the whole bit on living here on $800 a month seemed to get an awful lot of attention and more than a few people’s panties in a twist. They say it can’t be done, over and over and over again. Of course there are plenty of us out there who know better and are actively doing just that, but a few good points were brought up. Primarily that my budget didn’t really account for any of the more irregular life expenses like health care, vet care for the doggo, incidental purchases for replacing clothing and such, and travel. All good points. Taking all that into account, I do admit that $1,000 usd per month vs. my aforementioned $800 would be more comfortable. (But hey, why stop there. $5,000 would be downright cozy.)
At any rate, for June I’ve decided to track every last peso to share and see if I can repeat my fabulous May on the cheap. I’m actually not going to set a budget, it will be what it will be, but I predict it will be under $800 without depriving myself at all.
That being said, there are a few other things going on in June as well. I always enjoy a good monthly challenge, but I haven’t tried one in a while. I’ve had a lot to think about lately, it’s resulted in quite a few goals that I was interested in pursuing. I decided to combine them all into my Ultimate Monthly Challenge—Extreme Adulting Edition.
So without further ado, here’s some of what I hope for that to entail in addition to the budget listed above:
- Sober Month. I pull a dry month periodically for both my mental and physical well-being. I find that it helps to remind myself that I can function just fine without the social lubricant I tend to begin to lean on after a while. I also find I tend to have more energy, have a sharper mind, lose a bunch of weight, and save a ton of money. Knowing all that, why would I drink at all? Eh. It tastes good and it’s fun and I’m an unapologetic hedonist. End of story.
- Summer Semester. I’m attempting 9 credit hours plus a Spanish course this short summer semester so I can have a reduced workload this fall for travel. It will be the most intense semester I’ve put myself through so far and while the material isn’t necessarily difficult, it will be time consuming and require a lot of discipline—something that isn’t necessarily my strong suit.
- More Work. I’m still learning the ropes of a new business I’m working to bootstrap, but in the meanwhile I need to make sure the money comes in instead of just going out. I am loving writing so much lately that I’m aiming to hit the freelance field hot and heavy again in the coming months and find steady and fulfilling gigs somewhere in between all this other stuff. For the challenge I am translating this to sending out one pitch every single day and spending time with someone I can learn something about work, writing, entrepreneurship or business from once a week.
- Personal Goals. I gots’em. When I go off the bottle I tend to ramp up the diet and exercise bit so there will be a lot of foodie and cooking posts, I imagine. (I’ll spare you all the minutia of my workouts.) I aim to start really pushing a few other things as well. Specifically, I’m wanting more time in and around the water. I’ve never spent much time in the sea itself (in a boat, yes, but not in the water,) and only this month have I realized how uncomfortable I am with it. That’s not cool, considering the sea is currently my closest neighbor. We need to be friends. Swimming and snorkeling are things I want to feel natural to me by the end of the summer. Spanish competency, of course, is also always on the list of self-improvement stuff.
- Journaling. This is where you come in, dear reader. I’ve been reading up on the bullet journal thing and while I get the appeal of a physical book full of paper and stuff, it’s just not for me. I’m a digital girl living in a digital world, and thus my bullet journal will be online. I’m still working out the exact contents of my digital bullets, but the aim is to record them here on FRR daily. Some of it will be to track progress on these aforementioned goals, but also to record my tastes in music, reading materials, and inspirations in general. (And I promise, they will be worth reading. I won’t subject you to boring shit.)
So, that’s it. That’s a sneak peek at next month in a nut shell. Classes started last week, but the rest of the list will wait ’til June 1.